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So wat kry jy as jy bliksems van Bellville los laat tot hulle eie devices in die woestyn? Apparently een poes-cool music video! Jack Parow, een van ons favorite K-Tonians, en Francois van Coke, ja daai ander bra met die suit, het opgeteam om vir julle bastards een fokken kief music video te bring vir Jack se track, “Dans, Dans, Dans”. Wat kan ek se oor die video? Poes-cool bra, en ek meen POES-cool! Persoonlik is ek nie ‘n fan van Francois van Coke se vorige werk nie, meestal omdat ek dink fokofpolisiekar is nike meer as ‘n publicity stunt band nie, maar hy het homself so half redeem om saam met Jack op te tree vir hierdie video. Parow se lyrics is soos altyd lethal, en ‘n woord van waarskuwing, jy gaan hierdie tune in jou kop sing vir ten minste ‘n paar dae.

Dit kom etlike dae voor die launch van Jack Parow se album by die Barnyard Theater, Maandag aand. Nou, my laaste post op KTown was oor die Jack Parow en NP Projek gig by die Kreeffees in Lambertsbaai, en enigiemand wat daar was weet dat hulle nou nog besig is om al die dames vir sielkundige behandeling te neem nadat Jack hulle broekies nat gemaak het en innerlik betas het (meisie wys na klein pop en se: “ja meneer, dis waar hy aan my gevat het). Dit was een piele event gewees, en as jy nou ‘n regte kont wil wees moet jy die gig Maandag mis.

So ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, kommin en kwaai, hier is die official video vir Dans, Dans, Dans… Dit is die -este, beste, moederfokken zefste hierdie kant van die Boerewors Gordyn. Checkit, en moenie ‘n poes wees nie.

Moet nie 'n poes wees nie, stiek uit!

Moet nie 'n poes wees nie, stiek uit!

Koop tickets na die gig hier

En terwyl jy hier is, check sommer Woelag uit. Kief, oor en fokken uit.

Jack Parow & NP Projek
Attending relatively numerous music festivals (especially, even though mostly unfortunately, Afrikaans festivals) throughout the Western and Northern Cape, I’ve been subjected to watching various terrible artists including the Ray Dylans and Steve Hofmeyers of the Afrikaans music industry (not to mention the ear-stabbing of every festival’s own little Idols competition). Every once in a while though, I run into a great gig that makes up for all the other really shitty ones I have to sit though; Chris Chameleon at Rittelfees, 2008 is one such an example. Another is this weekend’s Jack Parow gig at the Kreeffees, featuring our mates NP Projek.

Jack Parow, the original kômmin-fokker-van-die-Bellville, has been making massive waves locally with his latest EP, Jy Dink Jy’s Cooler As Ekke, making local Afrikaans K-Tonians rock their tits off. He’s also been featuring NP Projek on quite a number of gigs, and if you’ve heard their tracks, you’ll know they’re the pumping-parody-duo from north of the Boerewors Gordyn, popularised with their satirical spin-offs like Kraaibak 911, Baby Stokvis and Doom, Doom.

Saturday’s gig would deliver everything you’d expect from this crew; the crowd was righteously entertained. Surprising enough the venue was Lambertsbaai’s Community Centre, and not at the festival’s location. Although, come to think of it, maybe putting this bunch just before or after Steve Hofmeyer could have erupted into quite an interesting clash of personalities.

Cover was a bit steep at a hundred bucks, yet there was no shortage of people there. Another unfortunate factor was the venue itself, obviously not being a pub or club the environment didn’t really allow for great sound, but I don’t think anyone there gave a single shit about it; they were too pumped to rock out with their cocks out. The bar was minimally stocked, but fortunately there was great support from the Jagermeister guys, with tons of merchandise give-aways.

By the time NP Projek hit the stage, everyone had enough time to get well fucked up on the Jager, thanks mostly to those lovely ladies keeping us hydrated. Their set was kicking the bejesus out of everyone there, with only a slight technical sound issue thanks to some drunken bastard who killed the Speaker line. With the exception of those ten quiet minutes, the rest of it was really kief. Even though I’ve been a fan of NP Projek, and known them for probably longer than either of us would like to admit, it’s the first gig I’ve attended; I’m pretty glad that was the case, as this was one seriously awesome event. Pierre and Noulan were obviously having a jol on stage, dropping some great next-level beats. After their set, Jack Parow made the place pump like crazy. The set was great, the performance even more so. His lyrical madness had every Afrikaans bastard in that place losing their mind to his tracks, and it was evident by the end of the evening that the party was definitely not over.

Afterwards we found ourselves at a local pub in Lambertsbay where we continued to indulge in pool and Jager-bombs to our heart’s delight (a considerably large amount it would seem). I do recall being asked kindly by the police to leave somewhere in the wee hours of the morning, which in turn translated to “let’s go party at the back of the kitchen where no-one can hear us”. I can’t really remember much from that point on, but I do know that it was an ass-kicking event, so if you do have opportunity to join our mates NP Projek or Jack Parow at any one of their gigs do so! Their next event together is at the Vlakvarkgat Rock Festival, and includes numerous other acts. See the Facebook Event

NP Projek

Rocking Out

Righteous Entertainment

On location in Lambertsbaai at the Kreeffees this weekend.

I’m not a seafood kinda guy… At all. In fact, I only eat two things that come out of the sea: calamari and chips. And that’s already pushing it. So this weekend I find myself in the epicentre of seafood heaven, the Lambertsbaai Kreeffees on the West Coast.

Craft stalls, Afrikaans tunes and crayfish are the buzz around here. If you’re in the area, fall in and check it out. The usual suspects are performing, including Ray Dylan and Steve Hofmeyer (and as you can imagine I’m so excited to see these), but our saving grace will be Jack Parow and our good mates NP Projek playing tonight.

I’ll be checking it out to give you guys a full rap on how it went, so watch this space…

Cover is R140 for the day, and there’s more than enough Crayfish and Graca going around. So checkit, this is a kief K-Town Festival to be at.

Birkenhead Estate, Stanford

It’s been around for thousands of years; the Sumerians wrote chants and hymns about it, the Mesopotamians had a goddess dedicated to it, and it’s been helping white men dance really badly for ages. It is the third most popular beverage in the world after water and tea, and if it was up to me it would be number one… it is beer, the beautiful bastard that it is.

True K-Tonians and millions of South Africans are all too familiar with this creation; and the biggest brewery in the world is South African after all, SABMiller. Yet, there are many other micro-breweries dotted around the country supplying locally brewed beverages to a variety of pubs; Mitchells and Boston in the city, and for those who know the south Cape, Birkenhead.

Birkenhead Estate is situated about 12 meters out of Stanford, a town small enough to be missed if you blink, en route to Gansbaai from Hermanus, and was named after the HMS Birkenhead which sank off the coast in the 1800’s (this was also the wreck that gave us the term “women and children first”). They boast a pub, restaurant, picnic area, estate homes and their super-kief brewery, all in the shadow of the Klein Rivier mountains.

Personally, I didn’t care much for the food. Their menu is as disappointingly uninteresting as watching paint dry or a speech by the Speaker of Parliament so I’d advise packing a picnic or some snacks. The main attraction, however, is definitely something to enjoy; the variety of beers brewed in-house will offer something for every beer lover. Currently there are seven alcoholic beverages crafted on-site, and for just 30 bucks you can have a tasting-plate served with all seven… in small glasses… but not too small fortunately.

The range includes the following: Honey Blond, a sweet, strong beer akin to European green-bottles, Birkenhead Lager and Birkenhead Premium, both of which are pretty run-of-the-mill lagers, Old English Ale, which is a dark, full-bodied ale with a hint of old-age and dust, Chocolate Milk Stout, yes, chocolate milk stout, Birkenhead Venom, a stout/lager/brandy mixture that’ll kick you into next Sunday, and Strongboat Cider, a grap-sappie resembling Appletizer.

I preferred the Honey Blond, as it was firstly a stronger beer weighing in at 6%, but also because it most resembled my favourite European beers (but don’t think it tastes like Amstel or Heineken). The Venom was actually quite horrible, being flat from the stout and harsh from the brandy with a hint of cough medicine, yet it’ll make an awesome chaser for Jagermeister shots, and it’ll make you surprisingly fucked-up with a 10% volume.

All-in-all the Birkenhead Estate outing is something I’d advise if you were heading somewhere via Stanford and needed a place to park off for an hour or two while you combat sobriety on a beautiful lawn overlooking the mountains. The beers are pretty cool, none of which I’d give a golden medal to, but definitely a good alternative to other locally brewed beers, and the atmosphere is quiet and serene.

You can get Birkenhead beers at a variety of pubs, restaurants and off-sales throughout K-Town. Check the list here
Visit the Birkenhead website

Estate Lawn

Estate Lawn

The Devil Incarnate

The Devil Incarnate

The Tools of the Trade

The Tools of the Trade

Party-hardy at the Castle of Good Hope
Easy Company Events are bringing you one bad-ass Full Moon party this weekend at the Castle of Good Hope. There’s a wicked line-up of DJs, including Regan (NANO), JamJar (ala African DOPE) and more; the party will also host Africa’s first Psychedelic Art Gallery.

It’s happening on Friday, 26 March at the Castle. Doors open at 18:00 and the damage is R80 for early-bird tickets.

Gonna be bitchin'

Gonna be bitchin'

Check the website for booking information, but tickets are available at the door too.

Motherfucking Friday, and it’s a goddamn long weekend too! Here’s what to do:

Cape Town Festival
It’s the best city festival in Africa, and it’s on this weekend. Live gigs will be playing in Company Gardens, and the line-up includes a vast variety of acts from the Gugs Tenors to the Rudimentals.

The gigs are free at Company Gardens, and there will be special trains running for the duration of the festival from all over the mother city.

Check out the Cape Town Festival website for more information.

Corner Bar – Charity Playoffs
Join the cronies over at Corner Bar in Durbanville for a killer charity gig tonight. The line-up includes Box Office, Liberty Attain, Jet Black and more. There will also be drum solo’s and other entertainment between the bands.

Cover is 30 bokke, and proceeds go to a charity to be decided later (read the FB page for details on this)

Suiping for a cause

Suiping for a cause

For more info you can check the Facebook Event page here

Tumbleweed Tattoo Rodeo
Our mates at Mirage Tattoo have opened a new store in Durbanville, and to celebrate this they’ll be hosting a killer party with NP Projek at Stones Durbanville on Saturday.

Free entrance if you dress like a cowboy or a very scarcely dressed cowgirl, and tattoo vouchers for the best dressed! Doors open at 8…

No line-dancing, please!

No line-dancing, please!

Check out the Facebook Event page here

It’s weekend you K-Tonian bastards, and you know what that means; getting shit-faced for no apparent reason and regretting every moment of it the next morning! Nice 😉

Now in order to ensure maximum shit-facedness, here’s what’s happening around the Mother City over the weekend…

SenCity 2010
SenCity is probably the only party in Cape Town which caters for both hearing and hearing-impaired clubbers! At the forefront of ‘clubbing-technology’ (whatever that is) is the Sense Floor, which vibrates as the tunes are pumping… How fucking sweet it that? Plus, there will be sign-dancers, translating the lyrics into sign language. The whole idea is to party with your senses, ALL your senses…

This will be one epic party, happening at the Biscuit Mill with The Rudimentals, and a killer line-up of DJ’s pumping till the wee hours of the morning. Fifty bucks gets you in…

Voel Dit!!

Voel Dit!

Check the Facebook Event Page here

Snoddie’s I’m So Lonely
Master of disaster and funny as the guy from AthleticsSA trying to lie his way through a press conference, Paul “Snoddie” Snodgrass brings comedy to the Baxter this weekend with his stand-up show “I’m So Lonely”. Produced by the legendary Rob Van Vuuren…

Taxi Violence will be opening for him tonight and tomorrow, with Andy Lund on Saturday. Tickets are 60 bucks.

Life According to Snoddie

Life According to Snoddie

Check the Baxter’s website here and book a ticket now. Do it. Like right now… Dooo eeeeet!

aKING at Corner Bar
If you’re behind the Boereword Gordyn this weekend, you can pop around to Corner Bar in Durbanville for a sweet gig on Friday with aKING. They’ll be supported by up-and-coming blues mafiosos, the Dane Taylor Trio.

Yeeah! Corner Baaah!

Yeeah! Corner Baaah!

Fifty bucks at the door, and you know it’s gonna be good! Check the Facebook page here

Masqued Ball
The ultimate one-day outdoor party is happening this weekend. Anyone fortunate enough to have been to one of the Masqued Balls will know you should prepare for the party of the year! We had a whole crew there last year, and truth be told it was a new notch on our yardstick (sorry to whomever that Paper Mache head belonged :/ but Steve was well looked after. RIP buddy!)

So get your ass in gear, go grab yourself a mask and get to the Masqued Ball this weekend!

Epic Partying!

Epic Partying!

Visit the event website here

X-Fest Film Festival
Movie-buffs and hardcore artsy-fartsies, the annual X-Fest is on this weekend at the Labia Theatre in Town. The Festival brings us some of the best underground and cult films from across the planet, including classics like Cocaine Fiends and Isle of the Damned.

Classic

Classic

There are also giveaways to the audience, and the tickets are just 25 bucks. For more information, visit their website

NP Projek @ Cheetah’s
Our mates at NP Projek are gigging behind the Boerewors Gordyn tomorrow night at Cheetah’s in Brackenfell. Cover is 30 bucks, but shooters are R1 a pop! (They’ll also be in Stellenbosch soon with Jack Parow, so keep your eyes peeled)

Hier kom kak!

Hier kom kak

Check the Facebook event page here

Maybe a Supercar Showdown Wasn’t a Great Idea
A recent inpromptu supercar showdown went terribly wrong for owners of a Ferrari and Lamborghini.

A wedding hosted at Eshowe’s sport centre left a trail of destruction as the party trashed the fields with broken glasses and bottles. Wealth abounded with Mercs and Porsches present, but also a brand spanking new Ferrari and Lamborghini, each still with paper plates. The owners decided it was time for an old-fashioned drag down Kangella Str, but it with these two morons having to explain to both the police and their insurance companies what happened. Smart move morons.

You dumb-ass motherfucker...

You dumb-ass motherfucker...

You can read more at MyZA via 2Oceansvibe

Road Sign Fails
Generally speaking, it’s tough enough for people to understand road signs, more specifically the ‘Keep Left’ sign… But others are more silly and incomprehensible. Here’s 10 of these greatly confusing and funny road signs…

Ummmmm

Ummmmm

See the whole list here, via The Presurfer

Two Certain Things: Death & Taxes
You can’t necessarily avoid the afterlife (bar succumbing to Vampirism or becoming a Jellyfish), but there are lots you can do to avoid paying taxes. The responsible thing to do is to pay your way… and ride the system dry on write-offs!

For some this works well, but once in a while that R12,000 business dinner at Teazers draws more attention than you had hoped; like this guy who paid someone to torch his business, then wrote the expense off as a ‘consultant’ charge!

Check it out here at A Whole Lot of Nothing

Awesome Artwork (Band Posters, Etc)

TheeOhSees by Nick Tassone

TheeOhSees by Nick Tassone

See the entire range here at his site.

Here It Is, The Truth

because there IS no explanation?

Because there IS no explanation?

Via Small Bits and Pieces

What Are The Odds?
Statistics are one of those wonderfully flexible things. In fact, 72% of statistics and odds are made up on the spot. How many times have you heard the ‘ten-to-one’ odds, and though to yourself bullshit, it’s gotta be more? Well you can check the odds for yourself at The Book of Odds.

Here is an example:

• The odds a person will visit an emergency department due to an accident involving a toothbrush in a year are 1 in 99,340, making a toothbrush slightly more dangerous on average than a garage door.

Check it out at Book of Odds

How many times have you watched a new series on TV, and thought to yourself ‘goddamn, that is one smoking actress!’? Like when you saw Las Vegas the first time and wondered who this Vanessa Marci chick is…

Well, our latest feature will solve just that! Each week we’ll have a new uber-hot chikita from TV land for your viewing pleasure. So sit back and enjoy!

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